Money no enough.

I am so going to die after eating this.

@cikumuffin all your fault for always making awesome Mac & cheese.

#dayrefatties

I didn't die. But…

@cikumuffin

I felt so guilty I couldn't finish half of it. I got so paranoid eating it and I knew I'm gonna suffer the repercussions later that 1/4 into it I stopped.

So much for throwing caution to the wind. Because I just can't. My body will tell me.

Drowning myself in beriyani sorrow.

Reality of not owning your own place after saving for 3 years is very depressing.

After viewing the last place, I just had no mood anymore.

We are short of money for downpayment and the calculation is, we need to save another 1 year.

No point counter offering the agent and all.

Back to sq 1, back to wasting money renting.

It sucks.

No quality of life, no nothing.

I've told the husband if living here means not having your own place and living pay check to pay check, I would rather go home to Malaysia.

It's very difficult to live a comfortable life here.

Bleakness of my thoughts spiraling out of control.

The gluten from Mac & cheese does not help. It literally poisons my mind making me very very moody. Not only do I have to contend with the mind-fuck, my tummy is also turned inside out.

I dunno y I keep doing this to myself but having low mood leads to bad decision in food which leads to bad decision in life.

I had a though to let me just end it now la. It's so bleak. What's the point in living like this. It's so stupid and meaningless

Saving grace

I'm glad I have Isaac. He actually made me laugh throughout the whole day.

Just now at dinner we were sitting at a place where there is a mirror. Isaac kept looking at himself and he was laughing to his reflection. Then he look at me suspiciously and said "copy cat" and laughed. He knew that his reflection was "copying" him and he was making funny faces and letting me know it was copying him.

Then after that we went somewhere for deserts. He pointed to a black colour drink and said

"I want coffee. I want this coffee please."

Then I said coffee is bitter.

N he kept pointing to the black drink and said "I want coffee. I want the bitter coffee please?"

Ahaha so cute la. I kept laughing from then.

I'm soooo glad that he's around.

If not I'll just continue sulking and pulling myself deeper into deep shit thinking.

Lifestyle changes.

I have already made a lot of lifestyle changes to save to the level where we are.

Nearly 30% of my pay goes into saving 4 down payment of my house. Nearly10% to my mom. 10% pay for maid and her levy, 20% to my commitments back in Malaysia of insurance etc. Another 20% goes to my own saving bcos before I turn PR I had no backup saving for myself.

That means I only have another 10% for my daily food & miscellaneous spending including shopping for myself.

I don't have enough even for holiday

2012 absolutely no holiday.

2013 also no holiday.

2014 nearly went mad n force @serhonp to plan for nearby trip so phuket happen.

Next year I don't think got holiday.

How can u say that I need to live within my means. And say that "everything also want"

I haven't bought anything frivolous for myself that cost a big chunk of money!!!

😨😨😫😱😱😱😱😖😖😖😖!!

Fed up la.

I wanna cry.

@cleochong @shalinho @growingwiththetans

Thank you ladies for your word of encouragement.

I think I was just very frustrated and felt abit demotivated.

Need to look at the bigger picture. Isaacs education and also health.

Big hugs and love. 😘😘😘

Also thanks to @serhonp for being very patient with me. Also trying to help me get out of the funk I gotten myself into. Lup u long tyme!

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