Breakfast of waffles on loop again.
Read @xiaxue post on her not to get pregnant update.
Totally understood where she was coming from.
Infact when I was first pregnant with Isaac, the hospital test showed he had such a high risk of Down syndrome and coupled with the fact that he might have a congenital heart problem made me so angry with the hospital staff and the world for the unfairness of it all.
Did discuss that if the results were positive at the next review, should we abort him??
The thought of this also made me feel guilty.
And throughout the whole pregnancy I was very depressed. Not to mention the nausea and bloatedness.
And to top it off, I had a weird symptom of diarrhea every single day. Like food poisoning type of pain. Yup. For close to 9 months, everyday I'm shuffling. To the toilet.
I confided in all my gynea friends and told them I wanted to abort. Of cos they scolded me cos took so long for me to get prego.
And when he was born, I did not have the love
Feelings towards him at all.
I DID NOT have a good pregnancy at all.
Thankfully delivery was smooth and he took to Breast feeding very well. It was a short honey moon period before all the chaos happen.
At 3 weeks, he started developing severe eczema all over his face and trunk. His skin was so rough. Only his butt was spared from the eczema.
Sigh. Wan to develop the "love" feeling then also cannot. Told @jayelleenelial about this.
And at 7 months his anaphylatic episode to food added
To our "omg, what else now!"
Seeing him limp, cold and rag doll right really scared the daylights out of me.
And I think from then on only I started to treasure him. Started to "love" him. Maybe the thought of losing him or that I have lost him kinda put me into perspective. That I should enjoy him now no matter what happens.
Needless to say, his 1 year of life was very eventful and took a toll on my working career because I couldn't concentrate at work, constantly worrying about
But. IT WILL NOT STOP ME FROM HAVING A BABY GIRL!!
I will still try. I will still want another child.
The joy it brings from having a child is so much more then all the "trials" that was put to us earlier.
So, another conception journey will happen (this year I hope!) and stay tuned?
*but I think will take some time la, not so easy for me to get pregnant ah. Be patient ah*
Yes for the upcoming conception, I will do my best to have a positive state of mind!!!
Ohmmm like this baby here.
And continue wearing hot clothes and sexy shoes and totally dress up.
And when I can't fit into regular clothes, Gonna get hot sexy maternity clothes too!!