Had a huge argument with my bro and sil.
Vented it out to my close uni friends.
I now realize that it's not problem to fix things.
If parents complaint about something, as a first born, we feel compelled to solve the issue. If issue solved, great for everybody.
But if it's not then you will get the blame.
So I now learn that I should not try to help even though with good intentions.
It's not my responsibility to "force" ppl to do their duties as filial son or daughter.
It's the same fight we had as 2-3 years ago.
Why didn't I see it. It's not for me to solve. But I can't help it when I hear my parents complain I just naturally want to help solve it.
From now on, as long as I do my duty as a daughter to them, and I have fulfilled my responsibility.
I shall not be responsible for the actions of my bro or sis. They are adults. I don't have to "Shepard" them.
My big mistake. I will stay out of my parents grouses from now on.
I think I care too much. So from now on, anything involving siblings, do not have to have any opinion on it.
I will just concentrate on my own nuclear family and on my duties to only my parents.
Surprisingly, I slept quite well last night given the circumstances.
Could have been the combination of the flu meds and the new bed.
But really, I talked it out with the husband and my close friends and my conscious is clear. I did not purposely pick a fight just because. I genuinely thought that they should know what's the background of why I'm not happy with what's going on which is what I thought my parents were unhappy about too.
Too bad they only see it as an attack when I even try to come out with a compromise and solution (fixing problem).
Why the double standard
I feel sometimes as a first born, it's emphasized that I should be giving my mom 10% of my salary.
When they come over, I'm expected to pay for everything like bfast, lunch, dinner. And when I go back to visit I have to do that too.
Makes me mad when of 2nd bro don't have to do all this because pity him he earn so little. I know this is their mentality.
I agree when he was interning and only earn rm600 of course don't expect him to pay.
But now earning rm5k as a manager at a reputable place, you still think he doesn't earn much?
All I see is every year changing car. Bigger car after another car. And going for holidays 2-3 times a year. Going out with your friends at nice places.
Yet claim "I have no money?"
It all boils down to priority. I make the priority to push 10% of my pay to my mom so it's not a "if I have leftover I will give her" attitude.
To be honest I'm living on the negative salary every month.
Every since becoming a PR and having a maid my monthly cash available has decrease. I'm using my savings.
Yes when I plan for holidays, I have set aside that amount that is to be spent.
So I don't understand why the double standards. Why must protect him.
I don't have an answer, but it may be an Asian mentality thing that he is my son therefore he can do no wrong.
Now with his wife, they are both not helping themselves and claiming to be the victim.
I really dislike this attitude.
Maybe it's just my perception that it is double standard.
I will not solve this problem anymore. It is not mine to solve and when break down of relations with bro and sis happens, truly I am not sad.
It is not my thing to fake niceness and pretend things to be good so we can have nice CNY reunion or family gatherings.
If only 1 side is making the effort then really, what is the point?
I rather seek out ppl who truly care about u and make an effort to keep good relations.
Ahh getting a bit toxic la.
I have already realized a lot of things.
I shouldn't be talking about the same issue so much.
It's only too bad I come to realize it only know and save the hassle of being the 'class monitor'.
On to better things!!
Husband sent me all the pic of house moving process.
They were very quick and efficient not to mention professional. Bumped into them on my way to work. They came earlier than their promised time slot.
This was them moving out the bulky furniture.
We didn't need to pack our clothes that were hanging in the closet!!
They had a rack to transfer hung clothes on hangers and they just cling wrap it and moved it whole sale!
Loading all the 60 boxes into the truck.
All our stuff were downstairs at this point.
Not easy to move from the old place as it has 2 flights of stairs.
I'm glad they did not kick up a fuss and charge extra for going up n down the stairs.
Husband showed me the padded lift at the new place.
He had to pay a deposit for the lift to be padded and a 500 bucks security deposit (which the movers gave as a safe guard).
The first thought that came to my mind was "Wah, prepping for surgery ah?" Haha.
All our stuff in the new place!!!
Have not taken a pic yet of everything that's in. No time ah. Came back in the evening it was raining, I was hungry and tired. And errr the argument happen haha.
Our new bed got delivered right after the movers left too!!!
King size FTW!!!!
No need to hang off the ledge of the bed already with Isaac claiming 50% of the bed space.
Selection of movers.
I took all your suggestions on movers recommendation.
Called all of them.
Shalom: fully booked until end of December. So was out.
Helping hands: quote a total estimate of sgd 1500! 😰😰😰😱😱😱
Another ex convict movers which I can't remember the name now: also sgd1k and above. About 1.2k?
Also husband was very intimidated calling these two company. He said they dam gangster la!
And being the aunty I left no stone unturned and I wanted at least 5 quotations from different movers.
So I googled and came on Singapore motherhood forum, where all the like minded aunties shares there bargains.
A few movers name kept popping out with good reviews so I left them email inquires and also ask husband to call.
A few then came to access all the furnitures n stuff we had.
K-movers (or something similar sounding, forgot!): came back with the quotation very late and after 2-3 reminders with 1.2k before gst.
Elite movers: sales person came in Mercedes S class.
We tot die la, sure cut throat one!
Very surprisingly, he was very professional and very detailed.
Gave us quotation right after the assessment.
It was the cheapest of the lot! At sgd995.10 after gst it was reasonable. Because they included boxes to pack, rack for clothes, bubble wrap, tissue paper wrap, cello tape, disposable of unwanted furniture, disassemble and reassemble of furnitures and as many trips as it take to move all our stuff. Flights of stairs included!
They even settled management administration stuff of security deposit and filling up of paper works for the move at the new place.
Everything was done in 3 hours and a little less.
Can't recommend them enough.
Also a big thank you to my husband and mom for overseeing the move and my helper for packing most of the stuff.
Couldn't have done it without them.